One week today and my family arrives in Portugal!!! I am sooooo thrilled! I can hardly contain myself.
Generally, things are going a lot better right now. Maybe it's because I have my family's visit to look forward to or maybe I really am in a better headspace, I'm unsure. I haven't been up to much lately, just getting organized for Christmas (read: waxing, tinting, hair cut...etc). I purchased my first 'little black dress' just in time for the holidays. I actually found a style of dress that I loved and bought it in black and in snakeskin print (it's a trend thing...I've done leopard and animal prints are really popular this season here so I thought I'd join the menagerie). Should be lots of fun. I'm still on the hunt for some kind of warm things for over top. Mom and Dad are bringing my heels from home. :)
Tomorrow evening I'm off to a Christmas concert put on by the Harlem Gospel Choir. I'm really looking forward to it...I'm going to be singing my heart out to carols gospel-style!
Not much else is new. My mood is significantly better - go prozac. And I am able to challenge a lot of my compulsive behaviors and tolerate the discomfort that comes along with that. It's good...
I did begin art classes with week with a woman named Ana Dickenson. http://www.anadickenson.com/ I believe is her website. She does folk-y paintings on wood. This week we started with a duck shape...yeah, quack. :) It is fun and distracting...I just hope to keep my perfectionist tendancies out of my creative outlet.
There's been a lot of drama about treatment for people with EDs in BC. Drama..coverage...attention given to...I don't mean it negatively, I'm just commenting. It's pretty intersting how things unfold. I'm a little saddened that the story to hit the media first was of such a physically ill person, I feel it continues to present that image of the extreme cases of anorexia to the public when someone right in front of them who appears normal could be in as much emotional pain and also at as much risk of losing their life. The story did feature a very needy woman who I am happy recieved the treatment she wanted...I will not hesitate to say that the U of A program, though ever so slightly different from Extra Care at SPH is no miracle facility the way CBC made it out to be. Dr. Piktel himself says 'about 50% of people remain chronically ill'...I'm so not okay with that...now can anyone not be actively, ceaselessly working towards changing something that only works 50%. There are times when the cup should be half full but when it's pertaining to human lives...this is half empty.
It definitely makes me so thankful for all that I have experienced through my illness as an adult and for all the people that kept me alive, never gave up, and conitinue to believe in me. I mentioned previously that I 'missed' being sick...it's true, that feeling does come and go but I think that even if I don't feel worth being well for, even if I left right now, relapsing would not be an option out of pure guilt. To be sick and slowly killing myself is to inflict much pain and frustration on the people around me who have put SO much effort into me (time, emotion, money) and for them, I need to choose to live regardless of the pain it causes me. I need to choose to stop merely existing and really grab onto life as there has to be a greater reason than fate that I am still alive today.
On that note, I will bid you all Boa tarde.
muito amor
julia
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